Waiting at the Crossroads

I haven’t been single for a few years now.  I’m probably looking back through rose colored glasses, but I have a fondness for the single life.  I miss the time I had to myself, and my privacy.  I’ve always needed time to be alone and in my head.  But, beyond that, I miss the excited anticipation of not knowing what was ahead of me.  I think everyone’s favorite kind of romance is the one that hasn’t yet played out.

I bring it up because I feel I’m at a similar point in my professional life, but maybe have not yet realized it.  I thought at this point I’d be well into my established career, but I’m still doing the same old cost bookkeeping at the same place that I swore I would never stay at for more than a year.  I failed the CPA exam miserably, and if I don’t pass a part before the end of the year, then I’m going to have to take more night classes to sit for it again.  I’ve been at a standstill trying to ignore the crossroads in front of me since I got my exam results, but the end of the year is coming, and I need to figure out where I’m going.

The CPA path is a daunting one.  I think I can do it, but the motivation isn’t there for me, and without that, there’s not much hope.  I could stay at my current dead end job and use it to try and support my other interests, but that’s not working out so well for me right now, as my credit card balance can attest to.  I can head lazily off into the accounting direction, finding a different, somewhat better job in an accounting department somewhere.  Or, maybe I can try something completely different.  I don’t know, and it makes me queasy to think about.

I have let this put me in a funk for too long.  I’ve been neglecting and putting off everything.  It’s time to figure it out and move on.  Ugh.  Fuck.